4 words: hood of his car
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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