So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
