College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
