we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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