Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
