I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You're a waste of cheezeits
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
