So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
