I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
