Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
