At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
