What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
