NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
