i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
