i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
