Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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