yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
