Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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