I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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