I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
