Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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