Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
