Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
