peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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