KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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