i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
