well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
