i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
