You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
