Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
