Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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