somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
