apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
