I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
