my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
