Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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