yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
