You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
