I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
