Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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