Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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