I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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