I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
