i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
