Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
