Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
