You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
