We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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