Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
