i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
