I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
