is your mom at the bar?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
cat food counts as protein by the way
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
