Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
