There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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