she was so not down for the gang bang
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
